Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Leaning not upon my own understanding..

Just yesterday I was suppose to step off a plane into Uganda. Today my heart is both heavy and filled that I am not there. One part of me literally aches to be in Uganda, to look around and see it’s beauty. Another part of my heart is planted at home and happy and joyful to be able. 
You see if I learned anything in Uganda it is certainly that life isn’t always what we expected! We plan to get up tomorrow and go about our day but find a tire is flat, or lock our keys inside, or find there is too much traffic to move freely. We automatically question, we automatically try and gain control once again. I know I can speak for myself and say in those situations I rarely find myself taking a second to stop and trust Gods plan, but to fix my own plan. 
Thats where my heart is today. Stopping to listen to Gods plan, to wait on his timing!
That precious little boy I asked you to pray for, well, he is a fighter. He has been in the hospital since early December. Each day is a fight for him, but he stands strong and brave. What an incredible thing of a two year old, what an incredible two year old. 
You see, his parents didn’t plan on having to stop their own plans at Disney World and see Gods different plan. Andrew’s sisters didn’t think they would spend the weeks ahead without their brother and parents. But, I stand back and watch two little girls trust in God. I learn from them, I yearn to have to faith of a child and not to trust in my own plan but to allow God to take care of me just like an earthly parent takes care of his child. 
I sat in a hospital just after Christmas at night watching precious Andrew. Watching his struggles, but seeing his strength. I was reminded of the familiarity to life at Serving His Children but, also the peace of my fathers embrace. I begged for God to have mercy and to give him rest. I prayed and prayed that I would make the right decisions in the next few days. The decision to stay home a little longer and help my family and to serve in my own back door. The decision to go to Africa as planned. I didn’t want to give up my own plan and trust in the lords. I prayed and prayed. I was reminded of two proverbs...
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” 
Proverbs 16:9 “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” 
I feel as if God is calling me to serve my family in America before I serve my family in Uganda. There is still a long journey that they need much help taking on. Though I admit there are times when I just want to run and jump on the next plane and never look back, I also want to stay planted right here and wait. I look into the eyes of two little girls who’s worlds have been rocked and yet they still own their joy and trust. I look hard in the tired eyes of a little boy who wants life to be back to normal and everyone to stop poking and prodding him and still see faith. What a lesson I should learn. 
For the last six months everything about me was geared to go to Africa, and God changed my heart with the reassurance that not only do I get to go later but get to love on my family here with my everything in the meantime.
So, to those of you who have prayed for me or supported my. I can’t say enough Thank You’s again! You are the reason I am able to go back at all even if the timing isn’t exact. I wish, I really wish I could come up with the words. My cup still overflows! Please continue to pray for me, and for Andrew and his family, and for Serving His Children. What blessings you truly are!

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